This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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