Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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