I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
