I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
