I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
