**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
