There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize