On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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