TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
