I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
