dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
