lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I currently don't understand fingers.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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