you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
40s are totally the cure
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
