Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
