you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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