Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
