just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
