you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
