oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
