farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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