just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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