So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
