in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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