The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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