You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
