hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
