Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
