My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
