omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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