I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
