Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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