# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
