I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
