I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
