mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
