hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
