Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
