Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
