even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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