I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
