we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
