apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
