That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
