This girl is more easily done than said...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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