Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
