My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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