my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
