Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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