I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
