So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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