Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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