I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My sheets look like a crime scene.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
