I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
