I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
