id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
