I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We left the knife in your bed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
