She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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