so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
