OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
