Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
