I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
