I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
