shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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