I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
