So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
