I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
