I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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