We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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