Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
