Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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