just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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