i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is my gift to your gina
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
