Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
