Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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