I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
